Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Routine Is Necessary

There is always a period of transition that occurs during a PCS whether it's the last few days at an old duty station or the first few weeks at the new one. I'm all about being spontaneous but after a while I need structure. It always seem like the lack of a routine is the hardest part for us to deal with. 
Every time we have PCS'd Kyle has taken 30 days of leave. His leave typically begins once he signs out of the old duty station. I know people who will use some of that time at the old duty station but we prefer to save it for the new place. Thankfully, 10 days of that is non-chargeable leave (the Army is generous in giving soldiers 10 days of leave to look for housing). 

While it is amazing to have Kyle around and present during that time, it's also hard. I certainly don't take the time together for granted but not having a routine is rough. He will tell you the exact same thing, after a while we both are itching for him to go back to work. He misses the structure of work and I miss being able to get things done around the house and take care of errands when I need to. 

This transition has been significantly more difficult. Even though he signed into this unit back in June, his class did not officially begin until yesterday. So we have been together almost nonstop since the middle of May, that means he has been home for 90 days with a few days of in processing thrown in there. That's a lot! When he is home, neither of us have a desire to get things done around the house that need to get done. Instead, we would rather be out exploring and doing things. So, of course, some things suffer. 

We also know that too much time together has a tendency to lead to bickering. We both have very strong personalities and are stubborn so a seemingly small thing can turn into something big. It happens, but we did our best to avoid that. 

To keep from bickering about ridiculous things we had to make the effort to do things without each other. He would golf or go to a concert with friends and I would go get a pedicure or to playdates with E and friends. While spending time together isn't a bad thing, Kyle and I know each other well enough to know that after a while it's time for a little space to do our own thing. This is what almost 10 years of marriage has taught us. E is just like us and she notices when there are shifts from our standard routine, but she is still a ridiculously happy kiddo.

After roughly 90 days at home, he officially started class yesterday. Almost immediately we both had a huge sigh of relief as we settled back into a bit of normalcy. Yesterday was great because we both had things to focus on during the day but we came together as a family in the evening and it was wonderful. 

A routine for us is necessary, it keeps everything moving right along. 

Do you thrive on routine? 

19 comments:

  1. I know this feeling so well! Obviously for different reasons, but every time Jason had a break from our crazy routine of law school, things would get a little tense. Now that he's done, we're in a new routine, but it always takes a while.

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  2. I fully believe that some personal space / self care time is important for relationships. You guys have a great system going :)

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  3. I do love routine. Moving throws me for a loop and extended leave periods/holidays too. Unless we have definite plans to be doing something, we usually end up not enjoying our together time as much :)

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  4. Routine is definitely necessary in our lives, time together is also important but doing things separately you are correct about. We learned this when I retired, it took a while to settle in but creating a new routine is what worked for us.

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  5. Routine is the only way I keep it all together for sure! Lists, planner and schedule are key!

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  6. Oh yes!! We are in the middle of a PCS and I'm already itching for our routine and for my husband to head to school. As much as I love him, the time apart is definitely good for our relationship!

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    1. Absolutely! It's such a rough transition and getting that routine back is glorious.

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  7. I am the same way! I am so glad to be back in a routine!!

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  8. Interesting! I would say I'm generally anti routine, or have been historically. I tend to rebel against them. However I'm realising that I do throw structures around my time, they just look a little different than you might typically think a routine would be. I also definitely agree about time apart from your spouse, it's necessary if only to give yourself something to talk about when you do see each other!

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    1. Routines are definitely not for everyone and they tend to look differently for each person. My days are solidly structured but there are things I do each day to make me feel accomplished.

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  9. I feel out of whack when taken out of a routine

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  10. Mike and I are the same way. We enjoy our time together but need our own space too! Welcome back to your routine!

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  11. Good golly do I crave routine. I'm with you too, my husband and I love to be together but when it's for an extended period of time with no breaks we get feisty with our snappy comebacks. Space is good.

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  12. YES I completely thrive on routine. I hate when things get out of whack. I know what you mean about all the togetherness too! I love Matt but sometimes after even a 3 day weekend when we're together non-stop, I'm ready to get back to our normal work/routines! Ha! Glad to know I'm not alone! :)

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  13. I like routine when I'm not in one but when I'm in a routine, I miss spontaneity. Although I can still be fairly spontaneous in a routine. BUt oh my god, I would love to have 3 months off. Ha. That would be heaven! I'm so tired of working. HAHA

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  14. Oh man yes. I love when john is home but eventually we're both like, "okay....we need a break now" 😂

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  16. I am totally right there with you!

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Love hearing from you!! :)