As we are preparing for another PCS this summer, my mind is going through all the questions that need to be answered.
When will we arrive?
Where will we live?
Do you we buy or do we rent?
There is one question though that has been weighing on me pretty heavily.
Do I go back to work or not?
When I graduated last May with my Masters, I was determined to go back to work after our time in Kansas. Now that we are so close to moving, I find myself being unsure about what I want to do. I know I want to work with kids because of my degree field, it's what I'm passionate about. However, there is the added challenge of being a military spouse and having a career that can be portable. Work from home options are limited, this just adds to the frustration.
I haven't worked a traditional job (in an office) since 2010. I have spent hundreds if not thousands of hours volunteering within FRGs (family readiness group) and other organizations over the course of almost 10 years as a military spouse. It has been such beneficial experience that I know can only help in some capacity. I miss going to an office everyday and using my mind in a different way.
Now comes the hard part of leaving E. I have asked myself on multiple occasions that we tried so hard to have her and would it be selfish of me to put her in childcare to work. I know that Kyle would never say that to me or feel that way but Mom guilt is real. Part of me worries that if I were to wait until she is in full-time school would my contribution to the workforce even be worth it. Or would a paycheck from a part time job be enough to justify childcare at this point if I didn't wait. I also don't want to throw away the hard work that I put in to get my degrees, I want to use them, and I want to contribute to society in a bigger way.
Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM. I love being the one that she learns and grows with during the day. I am lucky though that Kyle has always been incredibly supportive. He tells me all the time that he wants me to do what makes me happy.
There are so many questions that I have yet to answer. As of right now, I just don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I have to be okay with that right now and just take things as they come.
Have you ever felt this way?
