Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Never Lose Hope

Before I get into the reason behind this post I want to give our reasons for announcing our pregnancy so early. We have been through several miscarriages throughout our 5 years of marriage. We didn't announce all of the pregnancies and when they ended we felt so incredibly alone. We had no one to talk to and no support system. It was the most lonely and awful feeling. We knew that when we announced that there was always a possibility that something could go wrong but we took our chances.

Fast forward to now...well the worst has happened. I had a few issues that had me in the OB clinic, although not alarming still cause for concern. Let me just say that dealing with all of this while Kyle was gone is incredibly difficult but he has been amazing from far away. We got the results yesterday and they were not good. I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy (for those that don't know it's a pregnancy that develops outside of the uterus in the fallopian tube). I was crushed, defeated and lost. They administered a shot that would help me pass everything and get my HCG levels back down to 0. If we opted against this shot it could be very dangerous for me. It will take a few days, maybe even a week or so to happen. 

To not have my husband here has been the worst part of it all. He is struggling right now to stay focused on work but I know he is hurting. I can hear the pain in his voice, he finally comes home tonight and I can't wait. 

To have the love and support of family and friends has been so comforting. After I left the hospital I met up with Britt and we had lunch. It was so nice to be with a friend and have time to talk about anything and everything.

Through all of this we haven't lost hope, we know that our time will come and that we will be blessed with the most perfect child. We don't know how it will happen whether it be naturally, adoption or surrogacy we WILL be parents. I don't doubt that at all.

I promise I will get back to reading blogs sometime this week, just taking time to process all of this. Hugs everyone!


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81 comments:

  1. AllisonSeptember 10, 2013 at 5:02 AM

    My heart is aching for you, Jen. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you from far away!

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  2. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 5:54 AM

    Sending lots of love and prayers.

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  3. JennSeptember 10, 2013 at 6:29 AM

    Oh Jen. I am so very sorry. You and Kyle are in my thoughts and prayers. So glad he's coming home to you today. Big hugs from Korea! :(

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  4. Jen McSeptember 10, 2013 at 7:07 AM

    Oh Jen, my heart hurts for you! I'm glad Kyle will be home tonight. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs to both of you!

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  5. CourtneySeptember 10, 2013 at 7:42 AM

    I am so sorry and completely heart broken for you and your husband, your family is in my prayers. Whenever you need love and support we are all here for you! Sending love and hugs your way! xoxo

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    1. JenSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:57 PM

      Thank you so very much. The support means everything.

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  6. MegSeptember 10, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    I am so incredibly sorry for you, Jen. You have been through so much, and I really admire your ability to stay strong, even when you are hurting so badly. I'll be thinking about you all week xoxo

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  7. JennOveySeptember 10, 2013 at 8:33 AM

    My heart is hurting for you today, my friend. You are such a special, unique person (in all good ways) and I KNOW you are going to be the BEST mom some day. Praying for you and Kyle during this time of healing. HUGS!

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  8. KristinaSeptember 10, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    Oh Jen, I'm so very sorry. Sending lots of love and support. Please don't hesitate to seek out comfort from others. I know the pain of an ectopic all to well. Please rest and know you are loved.

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  9. AshleySeptember 10, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    I will never be able to understand why two people who are so steady, wholesome, and loving - so deserving of a child have had to endure so much hurt and loss. My heart hurts for you. I'm always just an email, tweet, or text away if you need anything. Much love.

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  10. Jessica @ Better Together and ForeverSeptember 10, 2013 at 8:47 AM

    Oh my Jen, I am so sorry to hear this! Sending lots of hugs your way. I know how you are feeling right now and am here for you if you need to talk. Take as much time as you need, you deserve lots of peace and rest with Kyle.

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  11. KarenSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:15 AM

    I am so sorry for you loss. I am glad that they discovered the ectopic pregnancy early...they can be particularly devastating left untreated. ((hugs))

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    1. JenSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:58 PM

      Yes, I was so thankful for doctors who were willing to go the extra mile to figure this all out now. Thank you!

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  12. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:27 AM

    Well, I personally DO NOT mind sitting in Chic-fila for nearly two hours to keep your mind on something else. Especially when it's my favorite place to eat :P

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  13. AshleySeptember 10, 2013 at 9:30 AM

    I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you and Kyle.

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  14. EmilySeptember 10, 2013 at 9:34 AM

    So sorry sweetie! Will be praying for you both and praying the time passes quickly until your hubby gets home.

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  15. Kenya September 10, 2013 at 9:34 AM

    I know I can't say anything that you have already heard. But I have you both in my prayers. You guys are not alone now and that's the beauty of this blogging society, is that we are here for the both of you and care for you guys so much. I am so deeply sorry that you have to go through this. But I know you guys will come out strong in the end and move forward. I have you both in my prayers for comfort and strength. You will be parents one day, this is just a bump in the road. Thinking of you guys and I am here if you want to vent, laugh, cry, etc. xoxo

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  16. whit | Black Little Button blogSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    awe dear. I am sending you the hugest hugs your way.
    -wHiT

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  17. UnknownSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do please let me know. I am praying for you both!

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  18. A Crew Chief's WifeSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    So sorry. Thinking of you and your husband.

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  19. KayleeSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:56 AM

    I'm so sorry. Thanks for being brave and sharing it all - the good and the bad. I'll be praying for you.

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  20. Amanda @ Mandaloves BlogSeptember 10, 2013 at 9:56 AM

    I'm so sorry for both of you. You are such a strong woman.

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  21. UnknownSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:05 AM

    Jen! Lots of love and hugs and prayers to you both!! I am so sorry for your recent news! Im so glad your hubby will be home tonight so you can physically feel his support through this time. Prayers and hopes for a healthy pregnancy in the near future!

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    1. JenSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:57 PM

      Thank you, Tyah! I am so ready for him to be home.

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  22. Heather FoxSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    You are amazing, and I hate that you have to go through all this, let alone when Kyle is away. Big Hugs!

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  23. PamelaSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    Aww Jen I am SO sorry!! Praying for you!

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  24. UnknownSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:29 AM

    I am so sorry to hear that, but you inspire me. You are so strong :) I am confident that you WILL be mother one way or another!

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  25. Alejandra September 10, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    I'm glad that Kyle is on his way home! It breaks my heart that both of you had to go through this without one another. Your time will come. I am so sorry! You're in my prayers.

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  26. Eloquent ObiSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:34 AM

    oh my dear Jen! i have been wondering where you have been and now I know why. i am sorry to read this. i really do not know what to say. you are so strong and brave to have shared this with us. one thing you are right about is there is hope and you know and understand that. you will be a parent sooner than you can ever hope for, for His timing is the best; and great ones too. enjoy your hubby, i know it will so nice to be in his arms again! love you!

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  27. smug princessSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Sending prayers your way.

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  28. KellySeptember 10, 2013 at 10:45 AM

    So sorry to hear, Jen. Sending hope and prayers to you!

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  29. mail4roseySeptember 10, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    I'm so glad Kyle's going to be home soon so you can be with each other. I'm sorry for the news, Jen. :(

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  30. Kathryn BSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    Oh Jen! I am so sorry to hear! My thoughts and prayers are with you! It's hard on anyone when they lose a baby. Know you are not alone and I'm here if ya need someone to talk to. I've been through my fair share as well.
    Sending prayers your way!!!!

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  31. KelseyBSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    You are so strong to have to deal with this on your own, I am glad that your husband will be home soon. Lots of love to you Jen!

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  32. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    oh **hugs**

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  33. The Pro Army WifeSeptember 10, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way Jen!

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  34. Semper AgSeptember 10, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    Sorry for your loss. Sending you my thoughts, prayers, and love.

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  35. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    Honey, I'm so very sorry. Sending tons of prayers to you and Kyle. <3

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  36. ChatterBlossomSeptember 10, 2013 at 1:22 PM

    So so sorry Jen. I'm really glad you shared with all of us so that you can feel the love coming your way from a lot of people who care about you. Warm thoughts and hugs are being sent by me now!

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  37. KaraSeptember 10, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    I'm so sorry. Sending hugs, prayers, and love your way!

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  38. SusannahSeptember 10, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    Oh sweet girl! I am so sorry!!! I will be keeping you and Kyle in my prayers. My heart is breaking for you!

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  39. RebeccaSeptember 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM

    Jen my heart goes out to you. I too announce every one of my pregnancies on my blog knowing that my friends, like you, are out there and willing to share my journey with me. I'm here for you too.

    Can you get an appointment with an reproductive endocrinologist and get some repeat pregnancy loss labs done in the meantime? There is so much that can be done to help with getting pregnant now. I have hope that you'll one day have a healthy pregnancy and a take home baby.

    (((( Hugs ))))

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  40. CarissaSeptember 10, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad Kyle will be home soon. Love, hugs and prayers

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  41. KatieSeptember 10, 2013 at 2:51 PM

    Jen, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you. Stay strong.

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  42. SarahSeptember 10, 2013 at 3:51 PM

    I am so so sorry!!! Praying God gives you a baby soon!!! ♥

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  43. Stephanie @ Life, UnexpectedlySeptember 10, 2013 at 4:02 PM

    Oh no, Jen! Why you two? My heart is breaking for the two of you! Finally things were looking good and now that. Many hugs to you, and all the support I can give you from far away! I am glad you have a support system to help ease the crash and soon Kyle back by your side. I hope that very, very soon, the two of you will finally be able to hold the baby you deserve so, so much. Hugs to you, my dear Jen!

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  44. Whitney @ EHFARSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM

    I'm so sorry girl :-(

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  45. KymSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    My heart breaks for you and Kyle. I wish you peace at this time of sadness, and hugs from afar.

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  46. Rachel RossSeptember 10, 2013 at 4:53 PM

    I'm so, so sorry Jen. It will happen, it will! Hugs from afar!

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  47. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2013 at 5:08 PM

    I'm so sorry, Jen. My heart is breaking for you. You and Kyle are continually in my prayers!

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  48. MichelleSeptember 10, 2013 at 5:17 PM

    I'm so sad and sorry to hear this. Thinking of you both!

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  49. Marcella{The Life After "Trust Me"}September 10, 2013 at 7:13 PM

    My heart just breaks reading this. Thanks you sharing as heard as it must be. Many hugs and prayers for you.

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  50. Mia @ The Chronicles of ChaosSeptember 10, 2013 at 7:19 PM

    I'm so terribly sorry, Jen. What a heartbreaking thing to happen, but I am so glad that you are able to keep thinking positively to the future. It WILL happen for you guys. And sorry for my email, before I read this post. :(

    Big hugs and prayers to you and Kyle. xo

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  51. Mills LifeSeptember 10, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    I'm so sorry. I will keep you and Kyle in my prayers. I know how long you've been trying for a baby.

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  52. LaurenSeptember 10, 2013 at 8:05 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this, Jen. Sending you and Kyle love and strength to get through this.

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  53. LaurenSeptember 10, 2013 at 8:45 PM

    I am so so sorry to read this! It will absolutely happen for you when the time is just perfect, and that baby will be loved more than anything in the world! Sending so many positive vibes your way<3

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  54. Angie R.September 10, 2013 at 9:07 PM

    So sorry for your loss. I know you were so excited for this baby. Prayers for both of you.

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  55. Julie LynnSeptember 10, 2013 at 10:46 PM

    I don't even know what to say Jen. You guys deserve to be parents and I know someday and somehow your dreams will come true and everything you are going through now will all make sense. It is going to happen. So many thoughts and prayers are with you right now.

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  56. jax from the harmon squadSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:26 PM

    Sending so many hugs your way!!!! You guys are amazing, and someday it will be your day!!

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  57. B @ then there was weSeptember 10, 2013 at 11:56 PM

    jen - as always, sending lots of love and good vibes to you and kyle. your perseverance and undeterred hope is such an inspiration to us.

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  58. I'll Love You ForeverSeptember 11, 2013 at 2:35 AM

    My heart goes out to you both. You guys are so amazing. Your strength is something that I admire. I will be praying for you guys! Many hugs! xoxo

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  59. JenSeptember 11, 2013 at 2:55 AM

    Oh, Jen, I am so very sorry to read this. I was so excited for you. I think telling early can be good, for this very reason. You need the support and love right now. I just wish I could give you that support in person!

    sending love,
    Jen

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  60. JamieSeptember 11, 2013 at 11:47 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

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  61. Lanaya | Raising ReaganSeptember 11, 2013 at 5:14 PM

    OMG Jen .. I hate being so behind in my reading because then I get to posts like this. My heart is absolutely breaking for you and Kyle and I wish I was there to hold your hand, feed your animals, make you ice cream, whatever you needed.
    I'm so sorry my friend. Hugs and thoughts with you always.
    It will happen for you and Kyle .. you two are the most deserving of anyone I know and {I'll probably go to jail for this} but if I have to buy a black market baby for you I totally will.
    Love you my friend.

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

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  62. AnonymousSeptember 11, 2013 at 9:34 PM

    Hugs hugs hugs! I am so sorry to hear your news. I hope that you and Kyle have since been reunited so that you can grieve together. I'm here if you need anything!

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  63. Grandmabeckyl.blogspotSeptember 11, 2013 at 11:49 PM

    Oh friend, such a heart breaking news, prayimg for you and gentle hugs across the miles so glad u had a friend beside you in your hours of need. Don't be afraid to reach for help.

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  64. StephanieSeptember 12, 2013 at 8:37 AM

    Oh Jen, my heart just aches for you. I am so so sorry this was the outcome, but the title of your post shows that you have not given up and you are such a STRONG woman! Thinking of you!

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  65. ShannonSeptember 13, 2013 at 10:22 AM

    Jen - just wow. I"m so sorry to hear this. You have such a positive attitude and I just know that you are not only going to be parents some day, but awesome parents. :)

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  66. erikaSeptember 13, 2013 at 9:56 PM

    Again, I'm so sorry that this happened. <3

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  67. Janna ReneeSeptember 15, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    I'm so sorry girl! However, I can say that my bro and SIL went through this for YEARS, and now they have a beautiful baby girl on the way! They are actually in their late 30's, but the miracle happened just when it was meant to happen. Keep the faith, love.

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  68. KimSeptember 16, 2013 at 5:54 AM

    I'm so sorry friend! You and Kyle are amazingly strong! I know you are going to be the best parents! Sending lots of love and hugs! <3

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  69. megs7827September 16, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    I hate that this happened but I'm glad you have support. It's so important. I'm also grateful you found out before something bad happened. Those ectopic pregnancies are scary! Take care sweetie!

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  70. Rhe ChristineSeptember 16, 2013 at 4:11 PM

    oh my dearest friend. I wish I could hug you. People always questioned us for announcing so early as well. I fully support how you feel and am so glad you have such an outpouring of love sweeping you up right now. You are your hubby will be blessed as parents one day, however you guys decide to have it happen. I know it will be the perfect way for you. and now you're out running races. You are my hero.

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  71. UnknownSeptember 17, 2013 at 11:16 PM

    Oh, Jen, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. And that, in your darkest hour, you are not losing hope. You are amazing! Truly. You have the right attitude too. I had two miscarriages before having Claire. One was fairly late too at 13 weeks. You just never know what god's plan is for you. I wish you healing from this. Please know that I am thinking of you.

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  72. JackieSeptember 17, 2013 at 11:21 PM

    Don't know how I missed this post but I'm so sorry to hear this. You are so strong and I admire you so much for it. I know you and Kyle will eventually be great parents. XOXOXOXO

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  73. JenniferOctober 6, 2013 at 8:39 PM

    I could have sworn I commented on this, but it appears I didn't ;(. I am SO sorry! If you ever lose hope or just want to talk, please please e-mail me! I have had a "few" losses and really thought man, this just isn't going to work out. But it did and it will for you too!!!

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  74. UnknownOctober 16, 2013 at 12:07 AM

    So sorry I missed this post. I always announced my pregnancies almost right away, just too excited to keep my mouth shut. And then with my 2nd pregnancy, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum and had to share that news as well. For me, it was good. I like to share my life with family and friends, and sometimes that means the bad, as well as the good. Sorry for your loss. You are already a strong woman and will get through this and be strong enough for your next adventure!

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Love hearing from you!! :)

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