To be honest I wasn't sure if I was going to write this post but I knew that I would regret it if I didn't. I do my best to not spend a lot of time dwelling on the past but this time of year for me and my family is always one of the most difficult. We are coming up on the 6th anniversary of my Mom's passing (the 31st) and to be honest some days it feels like yesterday and other days it feels like it has been so much longer. I don't think the pain ever really goes away, you just make room for it.
This time 6 years ago I was spending time with my parents at the Cancer Treatment Center of America in Phoenix.
My Mom was there receiving treatment and I decided to fly in from NC to spend time with her. I had never been to the clinic and I wanted to see where she was spending so much time. It was incredible, the care she received was amazing.
She did not have a lot of energy during that trip but she wanted to go to IKEA, so we did. We pushed her in her wheelchair and she was happy to just be out and about. We also spent a lot of time on the roof of the clinic enjoying the weather.
I soaked up that time with her and wanted to make the most of it.
I spent 5 days with her and my Dad, it was so hard to leave but she insisted that she was okay and off to NC I went. Before I left she gave me this, it is one of my most valuable possessions.
A little over 24 hours after I arrived back in NC, I received the phone call that I had been dreading. She was gone. I was absolutely shattered. I had no idea that those 5 days I spent with her were going to be the last. I am so grateful that I was with her but I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt, still to this day.
My sister was pregnant with my nephew at the time and my niece was only 4 1/2. My Dad lost his wife of 30 years and we lost our Mom. It was such a hard time but I am glad that were able to be together as a family and honor her in the best way we knew how (at the race track).
I miss her every single day and I wonder how aspects of our lives would be different if she were alive. She loved her family fiercely and did not take crap from anyone (my sister and I certainly got that from her). I know she would be loving on all her grandbabies and having a blast. I hope E (her middle name is Kay just like my Mom) grows up to be tough as nails like her grandma. Everyday I hear a song, see something, or smell something that reminds me of her. I hope I never forget all the things she loved.
I miss you and love you, Mom.