As we are preparing for another PCS this summer, my mind is going through all the questions that need to be answered.
When will we arrive?
Where will we live?
Do you we buy or do we rent?
There is one question though that has been weighing on me pretty heavily.
Do I go back to work or not?
When I graduated last May with my Masters, I was determined to go back to work after our time in Kansas. Now that we are so close to moving, I find myself being unsure about what I want to do. I know I want to work with kids because of my degree field, it's what I'm passionate about. However, there is the added challenge of being a military spouse and having a career that can be portable. Work from home options are limited, this just adds to the frustration.
I haven't worked a traditional job (in an office) since 2010. I have spent hundreds if not thousands of hours volunteering within FRGs (family readiness group) and other organizations over the course of almost 10 years as a military spouse. It has been such beneficial experience that I know can only help in some capacity. I miss going to an office everyday and using my mind in a different way.
Now comes the hard part of leaving E. I have asked myself on multiple occasions that we tried so hard to have her and would it be selfish of me to put her in childcare to work. I know that Kyle would never say that to me or feel that way but Mom guilt is real. Part of me worries that if I were to wait until she is in full-time school would my contribution to the workforce even be worth it. Or would a paycheck from a part time job be enough to justify childcare at this point if I didn't wait. I also don't want to throw away the hard work that I put in to get my degrees, I want to use them, and I want to contribute to society in a bigger way.
Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM. I love being the one that she learns and grows with during the day. I am lucky though that Kyle has always been incredibly supportive. He tells me all the time that he wants me to do what makes me happy.
There are so many questions that I have yet to answer. As of right now, I just don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I have to be okay with that right now and just take things as they come.
Have you ever felt this way?
Yes, every day right now! My not knowings are different, they're to do with visas and what job I want to do in the long run. Do I want to keep working full time? This job? Another job? Where will we live? HOW will we live when property is totally unaffordable here? Etc etc. For now I'm just taking deep breaths and trusting we'll get there.
ReplyDeleteI have a thought on this to post next week. People are already asking me when I’ll go back to work. Um I can’t right now. We’re going to be moving at least two times in the next five years. And I’m exhausted from 8 years of this schedule. Plus, if we’re looking at childcare, a teacher’s salary barely covers that, even if we’d use a CDC or something. (Uh, I wouldn’t).
ReplyDeleteIt’s such a HARD choice to make with each new move so I understand.
Oh yeah, I rarely know the answer to things! I hope you can figure everything out. PCSes can be a pain, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame there aren't many work-at-home jobs like they claim. Would help out so many mothers
ReplyDeleteI feel like with motherhood there’s definitely not a black or white answer to all the questions because what works for one person won’t work for another. I think that you should give yourself some time to figure out what you want to do and I’m sure that whatever you decide will be the right choice. Plus it’s awesome that Kyle is so supportive too!
ReplyDeleteMom guilt is so real and common. I know you will make the right decision for you and her, there is no guide, wouldn't that be nice!?
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I would encourage you to look into is Army Emergency Relief, which I think is the equivalent of the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society (or you could look into NMCRS too but since Kyle is Navy you might not want to). I LOVE volunteering with NMCRS. I am a caseworker and I go into the office twice a week to help clients. When I am there, I have an office, I get dressed up, I get to interact with people, and I help people. I've made a lot of friends and I feel like I am making a difference. Maybe you can find something like that if you decide not to go back to work or can't find a job. It's so hard figuring out what to do, but you will!
ReplyDeleteMom guilt is REAL! We moved to CT in August and my son was five months old. We knew we were only going to be there for six months so I decided to substitute teach part time instead of getting a full time job. While I was excited to get back in the classroom, I cried the day that I got hired because I knew it meant leaving my son. It has turned out to be such a wonderful experience for all of us. I get to use my brain for something not mom related and my son gets the social interaction with other babies. Someone once told me to think of daycare and time spent with others as a positive because it meant more people to love on your child and who doesn't want that?
ReplyDeleteI hate the feeling of so many unknowns but I know everything will work out for you just like it's supposed to!
ReplyDeleteYou could ask any of my close friends and family members, and they'll tell you that I think about going back to work all the time. I'm not ready yet, but I think I will be in the couple years. The problem is, I have no idea what I want to do since the idea of going back to be a high school teacher bums me out (the more removed I am from teaching, the more I realized how stressed out I was all the time!) I just wonder if I should be getting more education right now while I'm s SAHM in preparation to go back to work. Ahhhhh all of this to say that is some sense I totally get where you are coming from in all of this!
ReplyDeleteOne of the best things that helps me is to not make a decision. It helped keeping my mind open that "if the right job comes along..." I know it will work out either way you decide!
ReplyDeleteI can't offer you any advice, I would love to be a SAHM right now - I'm tired of working!! HA But on the other hand, a HS friend of mine has a recruiting agency that specifically caters to military spouses and diplomat spouses looking for portable careers. May be worth reaching out to them? It's called Serving Talent http://www.servingtalent.com/ xx
ReplyDeleteThis is always such a tough topic! I'm so glad I get to stay home but of course there are days I am so tired of it and wish I had a job to go to. I always try to remind myself that I've never met anyone who said they regretted staying home with their kids. Maybe when you move you'll have a great place to put her once or twice a week so you can both grow!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this in so many ways. When I left the NFL to join Dane in Hawaii, I felt like I was giving up a part of who I was. When I decided two years ago to go back to school to teach, I was so excited to be able to contribute to something, but in the long run - I hated it. Which left me feeling even more confused about "what I want to be when I grow up". Dane and I talk all the time about how me working from home is a nice luxury because it gives both of us flexibility (not having to hire a dog sitter to let Bill + Judy out, being able to travel, etc), but part of me also craves my old career. I can't wait to see where life takes you :)
ReplyDeleteI'm like this every time we move. It's definitely hard having to recreate your life every 2-3 years.
ReplyDeleteIt is ok not to know. I struggle with wanting to go back and staying at home with the kids every couple of months. I think there is not right or wrong answer here just what works for you and your family.
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