A Few Bright Spots

I headed down to my sisters on Wednesday and have spent the majority of the time relaxing. It has been nice.


We had a girls day at the beach. It was overcast weather but still beautiful out.

My diplomas came in the mail and Kyle sent me pictures. It definitely made me smile that he opened them up to snap a photo for me. He is a good one! :)

Yesterday was spent at the river, it was another nice day to just relax and do nothing.

I head home tomorrow and it will be time to makes changes for the better. 

Hope you all had a great weekend.

What They Don't Tell You

Before I start this post I just have to say that it took me a long time to decide if I wanted to share this but I knew that I needed to because there are many others suffering in silence. 

I am struggling with depression.

This is one part of the infertility journey that they don't tell you about, they don't tell you that you will feel like you are a broken person. I thought I was just sad and then realized it was much more than that, with my educational background I was able to break down my symptoms and realize what it is.

I noticed it a few months ago but over the last several weeks it has gotten progressively worse. More often than not people who are also dealing with infertility with deal with depression as well. I have always given this outward appearance that everything is okay and we are so positive but to be honest it's not always like that. I feel like I am drowning most days and I don't know how to cope. I see pregnancy announcements on social media and all I can think about is why can't that be us, why can't we have a baby, why does this have to be so difficult. I know that people say things such as "things will happen when they are meant to" and "it will happen just relax", statements like that don't help someone who is struggling. I feel like we are getting so close to a solution but it still feels so far away or that it could end in more heartbreak and dealing with that is hard.

I struggle with the simplest things such as getting out of the bed in the morning and going out in public. There are nights when I don't sleep and in the morning I want to pull the covers back over my head and forget about everything going on. I cry for no reason and feel like I am living in a constant fog that I can't get out of. I have to force myself to do the simplest things so that I can feel normal, it's the classic case of perfect on the outside but crumbling on the inside.

Let me be clear that I have never had thoughts about hurting myself, but I am not who I was a few months ago. I finally came clean to Kyle on Tuesday and the rest of my family yesterday because if I can't tell them who can I?! Everyone has been incredibly supportive and it means a lot.

I have decided to seek help from a professional, I know that I need to talk to someone who is not personally involved in the situation.  Whether that involves medication or CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy), I need to figure out what is best for me to feel well. 

There should never be a stigma about depression, I am being open and honest in hopes of helping someone else. 

Two Things

Two things that make me happy:


Fresh new hair color!!

New running shoes!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Is It Monday?!

I feel like my days lately are running together! All day yesterday I thought it was Monday, yeah that just shows you how screwed up my mind is haha. With Kyle being in the field so much I tend to lose track of my days lol. 

*One thing I did check off my list was purchasing plane tickets for Christmas! We are spending the first week of Christmas leave in Florida with my family and then hopping on a plane to Vegas to see Kyle's family. It feels good to have that done!

*Speaking of Christmas, I am starting to plan presents. We have several birthday leading up to the holidays as well so I am trying my best to get everything bought and taken care of early. :) 

*I have an appointment tomorrow to get my hair colored. I am ridiculously excited, I want something different and fun. Here is what I'm thinking:

Both of these colors are so different, it will be hard to decide! What do you guys think?

*I am heading to Florida on Wednesday for Labor Day weekend, hopefully the weather stops being crazy so I can get there safely.

*We are less than 1 month away from Kyle's surgery and I'm really anxious. I am hoping that this opens the door for our future, I've been in contact with my RE doctor as to what we need to do after the surgery. Fingers crossed for good news.

* I am in full on Fall mode. I am ready for boots, sweaters, and apple-cinnamon candles. Please hurry!

I hope you all had a good weekend. :)

I'm Hooked

Yup this is so true!

I had plans to check out the yoga class in town but even after getting there 30 minutes early it was full. I didn't want to give up so I found a 30 Days of Yoga program on YouTube and I'm hooked! Even Fishy gets in on the action by sitting on my yoga mat lol.

I love being able to do it in the comfort of my own home and let me tell you I am already sore and feel so much better! Adding this into my running schedule I can already tell is going to make a huge difference.

Even though I was a skeptic before I am saying yay to yoga haha.  

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Running For A Cause

There are 2 races that I am participating in next month that have very special meaning to me. 

On September 12, I will be participating in Run for the Roses 5k. This particular race benefits the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation which is an organization that is close to my heart. Two of my cousins have CF and one of them passed in 2013 at the age of 26. I am so proud to run in honor of my cousin Brad for this race.

On September 26th, I will be participating in the Running for a Cure 5k in honor of my beautiful Mom, Kathy. This race benefits the American Cancer Society and any chance I can to raise awareness for cancer in general I will. There is also a Relay for Life event on October 23rd that I will likely be participating in. To honor and remember my amazing Mom is so important to me and my family.

I went through a company called Races 2 Remember for these mantra bands, I will be wearing them for my races and I can't wait. I have another mantra band that should be arriving soon that is honoring my Uncle Phil who passed away from cancer in 1999. 

It's going to be a good September!

TGIF!

I am so happy it's Friday! I feel like this week has gone by so slow! 

*The last time I talked about Kyle's surgery I said it would happen at the end of the year. However, his bosses have been amazing and pushed him to do it sooner. So it looks like September 24th is the day. I am listed on his medical paperwork so I will get to be with him in San Antonio. Such a huge relief! Here is hoping the surgery helps. 

* After a 10 month break I finally decided to be social again. I signed up to be a part of the Fort Polk Spouses Club, it will be nice to have something to do. I don't regret taking the break from all things FRG and volunteering, my work at Bliss wore me out. 

*I am finally biting the bullet and buying new running shoes. My current ones are starting to hurt my feet and I cannot take the chance of them messing up my feet before my marathon training starts. I'm sticking with the same brand, Saucony and I'm eyeing these beauties. They always have the best colors.

 *In addition to my running routine, I have decided to give Yoga a try. It has always interested me but I never made the effort to go to classes. I found a place in town and I'm going to give it a shot. I'm really excited!

Hope you all have a great weekend! Fishy wants you all to relax just like him:

 :)