The Journey

5 1/2 years ago when we experienced our first miscarriage we had no idea just how difficult this journey was going to be. For me, I had known of a few people that had experienced it but never knew all that went into it. We were caught up in the emotion of expecting our first baby so the thought of losing it was never in our mind, then when it happened it was like someone had punched us both in the stomach. 

It was a feeling that unless you have experienced you will never know what it is like. I am not saying that to be rude but it's true. The 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th loss were just as painful, at some point there is a numbness that begins to set in. With each loss came a new feeling of fear and the inability to truly enjoy a moment of happiness when that positive test came along. 

There was a frustration knowing that my body was not capable of doing what it was meant to do, there was a frustration for Kyle that he could be the reason behind it all. With every new bump in the road there were new challenges. A blocked tube after an ectopic leading to the removal of that tube and starting over again in a new place having to explain several years of medical history. 

Throughout this journey we both have been very candid about our experiences, especially me. I want to bring awareness to a very real issue that 1 in 4 women experience. I do not look for sympathy from others, I look for understanding. I want those who are experiencing the joys of pregnancy to understand that I can still be happy for them but still have a jealousy that wishes it was me. I don't want people to feel as though they have to tiptoe around me, I am a big girl I can handle it. I can snuggle sweet babies of friends and family and still feel a tremendous amount of joy. 

Our next stop on this journey brings genetic testing in a few weeks, to hopefully finally have that "unexplained" diagnosis removed. With every step of this journey we realize more and more just how lucky we are to have an amazing family and group of friends who support us no matter what. Infertility does not define who I am, but I can assure you that it makes me a hell of a lot stronger. As difficult as this journey has been it has not taken away my ability to be happy.

I urge all of you that if you know someone struggling with similar circumstances, talk to them and listen. I can guarantee you that it will mean the world to them.

Ready for Vacation

This summer Kyle and I finally get to take a vacation, he has block leave the first two weeks of July and we are definitely going to take advantage of it!

The first week we have plans to go here: 

We have never been to Houston and there are a lot of places there that we have always wanted to see. The Johnson Space Center is definitely one of them, we plan on eating our way through the city and seeing the popular sites. It is only 3 hours from us so it is definitely ideal. We may even make the hour trip to Galveston to go to the Schlitterbahn Waterpark. 

The second week we are driving to my sister's and going here with the kids:

Universal Studios Orlando!!! We are going to spend 4 days there and we can't wait. Kyle has never gone on a trip like this with the kids so he is really looking forward to it. 

I am really looking forward to this time off with him, we both have definitely earned it. 

Do you all have any summer vacations planned yet?

Do What Is Best For You!

Have you ever had a bad feeling about a situation or a new job? Well, that was me last Thursday. I started in-processing for my new job and as I met with my soon to be supervisor she started describing the job and it was not at all what was disclosed to me during the interview process. The job was supposed to be a flex position, 0-40 hours per week and an occasional Saturday. The job was actually 40+ hours a week, 7 days a week and no benefits.

After talking to Kyle and my sister, Lisa, I made the choice to resign the position. With still being in school it was not a schedule that was going to work for me. I have to say after making the phone call to the HR department I felt a huge sense of relief. 

Now I will continue to focus on getting my degree and then it will be time for Grad school..

Hahaha this had me cracking up! I am on the hunt for scholarships to help with the cost (I will have 13 months of the GI Bill left to use), if y'all have any links for scholarship sites send them my way! :) 

Have you ever made a decision that was difficult but the right thing to do? 

Love Your Pets!!!

Today is National Love Your Pet Day! I have two of the best and I'm so thankful for them!! Emma has been a constant in my life for 11 years and Fishy for almost 7. They are the best and I couldn't imagine life without them!

Now go hugs your fur loves if you have some! :-)

Have a great weekend!

Things I'm Looking Forward To

I finally start in-processing for my job today! I still do not have a concrete start date but at this point any progression is better than nothing. I am excited to figure out my new normal and get into a routine. With Kyle being gone so much for work it will be nice to have something to keep me occupied. 

I am attending my first coffee for Kyle's task force, I was sick so I didn't attend last months. We are going to a local wine and paint place, which is always a good time. I have already met the majority of the wives so it will be nice to hang out and have some fun. 

Kyle's March rotation will be a little bit more relaxed so I am hoping we can actually get out and do some things, maybe go to a gator farm or go check out some cool plantations. We missed out on Mardi Gras completely because Kyle was working and I was in Florida, oh well maybe next year we will get to enjoy it.

I can't wait to get a tattoo similar to this with my sister! Hopefully we can make it happen the next time we are together.

I am looking forward to warmer weather, we have been experiencing some bipolar weather lately. I am ready for hot and humid summers. Please hurry!

Is there anything you are looking forward to?

About Me

I have noticed lately that I have acquired some new followers!! First let me say, Welcome! Second, I figured I would write a little about me post.

*I was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. I get quite a lot of funny stares from people when I tell people that.

*My Mom passed away almost 4 years ago, it was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with.

*My husband, Kyle and I met for the first time in our 6th grade history class. That was roughly 18 years ago, crazy how time flies. 

*We got married 2 months after we started dating, a cute little wedding at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel.

*Kyle and I have been struggling for the last 5 1/2 years with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. It is something that I talked pretty candidly about on here. For right now we spoil our dog and cat, Emma and Fishy.

*I have 8 tattoos and have plans to get more. All of them have a very special meaning.

*I am currently pursuing my bachelor's degree in Psychology. I will be finished in August!

*I am an Aunt of 10 kiddos....the oldest is 22 and the youngest is a little over a year old.

* I am the youngest of 5 children and have a ridiculously close relationship with my sister, Lisa. 

*I have gone skydiving and would love to do it again at some point...I say that now but would probably chicken out. 

* I was raised around drag racing, my Dad has raced since I was 4 years old. 

*Since Kyle and I have been married we have lived in 4 different states thanks to the Army. North Carolina, Arizona, Texas and now Louisiana.

*I have ran 41 races over the last 2 years to include a full marathon. It has helped me successfully lose over 40 pounds. 

That's me in a nutshell! :)

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Weekend in Florida

I arrived in Florida safely on Friday afternoon and have been having a great time since I got here! On Saturday, we headed over to my brother's house, loaded up the golf carts and headed down to the pond that is in their neighborhood to go fishing and grill. It was gorgeous but chilly weather, and we had a great time! It would have been even better if our Dad and Kyle had been there.

We spent Sunday hanging around my sisters house...we did venture out to take the dogs for a walk and enjoy the warmer weather.

Today, my sister and I are getting our nails done and going to the movies. A fun day with just my sister! 

It has been a great weekend but it will be nice to get home tomorrow and see Kyle (poor guy has been sick boo!).

I hope you all had an amazing weekend!